Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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