i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
