My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
