Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
