Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
