Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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