And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Oh god it's open bar.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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