I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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