Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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