woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
