what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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