quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
