OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
