i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
