Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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