just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
