I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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