saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I said "one day" and that day is not today
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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