There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
