Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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