Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
