Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
