True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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