Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
