I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
