Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
