Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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