I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
sarcasm needs its own font
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize