I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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