I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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