I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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