I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
