It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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