they said they heard you say put it in my butt
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
