it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he shaved USA in his pubs
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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