it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
