please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
