Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
