the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
