As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
try to milk me bitch
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