Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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