i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
