i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
