Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
