Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
