And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
