sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Boobs are out for the taking
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
