Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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