508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Randomize
