I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
