watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
