I'm going to jail i love you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
