You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
