i permit you to call me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
