she looked like the before picture.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I deserve this hangover.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
