the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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