I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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