Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
