I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
