Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
