It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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