pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we're making bets on your personal life
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
that is very illegal...i love you.
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