My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
