You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
