I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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