I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
