yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
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tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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