apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
