Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
