Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
