found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
