Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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