Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
