I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's official drugs can't kill me
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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