Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
