Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
