Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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