PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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