Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
