i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
